If You Can't Live Without Me
by Luminous Star
Summary: Funny thing about neardeath experiences is they always make you contemplate just how quickly life can be taken away from you they make you think about saying things you wouldn't normally say with the driving force being you may never get the chance...LJ


-1**A/N: **

What is it with me and all these one-shots?? I only have one thing to say to you: Erich Bergen, I've decided is my writing muse.-- read the AN at the bottom for an elaboration on this…and so it is with that comment that I formally dedicate this lovely oneshot ((which he will NEVER know about)) to him. Enjoy!

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**If You Can't Live Without Me**

It was one of those rare days that Lily treasured-- ones where the sun shown just enough to give you a pleasant warmth but not too hot so as to make your hair stick unpleasantly to the back of your neck. A light delicious breeze ruffled across the vast lake and Lily could hear the light splashing noise as small waves collided onto the shore as she continued working on her Ancient Runes essay. In short, it was a quiet and peaceful afternoon and Lily was quite pleased with herself for thinking of coming out here to study near the lake, her workbook and quill perched next to her on a rather large boulder by the lake she had come across during her first year at Hogwarts. Yes, deciding to study outside had been a brilliant idea-- no distractions from being in the castle, no Madam Pince glaring daggers at you for being too loud in the library, and more importantly, no certain messy haired bespectacled boy following her around--

"Alright, Evans?" the distinct voice of James Potter coming from somewhere behind her caused Lily to mentally kick herself for speaking too soon and gripping her quill a bit harder than normally, she merely ignored him, thinking that maybe if she didn't pay attention, he'd leave her alone.

She heard the scratching of shoes against rock, realizing James had taken her silence as an invitation to join her.

"Lovely day isn't it?" James asked, as he plopped down beside her, finally managing to have climbed up.

"Get lost, Potter." Lily said in a bored voice, not even bothering to look up from her text book.

The wind picked up slightly and James was momentarily entranced by the way it picked up the framing locks of Lily's red hair around her face.

"Oh, come now, that's not very nice." James grinned.

"Potter, I'm trying to study-- in case you didn't remember, we've got an exam coming up on Friday and I'd quite like to pass." Lily huffed, becoming slightly exasperated.

"I know we do…"

"Well in that case, maybe you should go _study_ as well."

"Why that's a marvellous idea!" James exclaimed.

Lily couldn't believe her luck when the words escaped from James' mouth but her hopes of him leaving were crushed when James merely leaned his head closer to have a look at her text book.

"Potter," Lily cried exasperatedly, finally looking up from her book. "What in the world are you doing now?"

"Taking your advice-- I'm studying!" James said innocently.

"I meant go study somewhere else-- you know, by yourself?" Lily hinted rather shamelessly. James simply smiled, and Lily took that as a 'no thanks, I think I'll stay here instead.' she snapped her book shut rather annoyed before speaking again. "Why are you really here Potter?"

"Just thought I'd come up to see how you were doing, is all…" James trailed off.

Lily scoffed, hardly believing him.

"…And to see if you'd maybe like to go out with me." he added.

Lily laughed sardonically, looking up into the heavens before rubbing her eyes tiredly with her hand.

"Come on," James said scooting over closer to Lily on the rock when she didn't respond. "Go out with me..."

He grinned that grin-- his grin. The same one that made Lily as if by natural reflex, roll her eyes but that she had also as of recently come to associate with a strange flip floppy sensation in her stomach.

Lily smiled scathingly back. "Why?" she asked simply. "Why should I? Give me one good reason WHY I should go out with you."

She stared defiantly back into James' eyes and felt slightly annoyed at the fact that although she was piercing James with her most intimidating stare, he simply grinned back, his eyes alight with a lightness that Lily secretly envied.

"Just one reason? But there are so many to pick from--because I'm fun and adorable--"

Lily scoffed but James merely kept going.

"--because if you actually gave me a shot, I think you'd find we'd be pretty good together, because I really _have_ grown up over the past summer whether you want to believe it or not…" James ticked off on his fingers.

He looked up to find Lily staring at him with a look that clearly stated she was not impressed. She drummed her fingers on the large boulder's surface, an act James knew Lily only did when she thought whatever it was she was partaking in was a waste of time but James merely ignored it and simply grinned back.

"All decent reasons, I assure you, but you asked me for a good reason, did you not? Why should you go out with me, Lily Evans?" James asked, leaning in closer, his face inches from hers.

Lily froze- she had never been this close to James physically and his mere presence was enough to cause her body to stiffen nervously.

"Because I can't live without you." James said seriously. A moment after his intense gaze, however, he was flashing her a dazzling smile before removing himself from such close proximity.

It was as if she were able to breathe again and with James no longer invading her personal bubble, Lily once more gained power of her usual cheeky demeanour.

"Because you can't live without me?" Lily echoed sweetly.

"That's right." James confirmed.

"Are you sure? Because if it's true-- if you really, _truly _can't live without me," Lily said, mimicking his motions and leaning toward him as he had done to her but moments before. The difference was however that her gaze instead of being one of adoration was one that screamed sarcasm. "than why, James Potter, aren't you dead yet?"

"Touché, Evans, but even you should know that death cannot stop true love!"

At this, Lily couldn't help herself-- she laughed openly, throwing her head back, her hair cascading over her shoulders and onto her back at the thought of the words 'true love' being used to describe herself and James Potter.

"And here I thought death would be the only way to escape you-- are you telling me that even in death you'd persist to bother me relentlessly?"

"Do you really think I'd let a little thing like death stop me from getting to you, Lily?" James shook his head as if she had just said the most preposterous thing in the world. "I wonder, I've spent nearly six years chasing you, Lily-- do you really think I'm about to give up anytime soon?-- I can guarantee you that I'm _not_ about to give up anytime soon."

Lily stared out into the horizon as a fleeting scene of a ghost -James following her around for the rest of time, asking her out repeatedly crossed her mind.

"Well, I guess I'll take that as a no," James said, his voice pulling Lily back into reality.

She looked up at him suspiciously. "What? That's it? You're just going to leave me alone? Just like that?"

"Of course-- obviously I've been rejected again, unless," James paused. "Unless you _want_ me to stay"

"No, no!" Lily said all too quickly. "You've interrupted my studies long enough."

"Figured as much," James said still grinning. "Ah well, there's always tomorrow."

He hoisted himself up, preparing to climb off of the boulder.

It happened quickly, Lily's eyes barely glanced over a stray, rather cylindrical looking twig and before she knew it, there was a yelp as James stepped on the twig, and he lost his footing, falling with a rather loud splash into the icy lake behind him.

Lily smirked, preparing herself to laugh when James' head surfaced once more, but James never came up.

She scanned the surface of the lake but there was no sight of him, and beginning to feel nervous, she felt her breath quicken.

"James?-- James!" Lily called out hoping he would answer.

Why wasn't he coming up to the surface?

"He _can_ swim, can't he?-- Oh my _god!" _Lilly cried, her breath picking up again. "He can't! We've got to do something! Somebody help, please!" she screamed.

Lily looked around frantically before realizing she was the only person around for yards and without thinking twice, she dove into the lake.

Lily broke the surface, gasping for breath-- the water was rather cold for this time of year, but all the same, she willed herself to suck in as much air as possible before sinking back into the lake.

The water was murky and foggy and Lily could barely see but a few feet in front of her. If she looked up, she could make out the glow of the sun, but Lily concentrated on the task at hand, and then, she saw him. James Potter, floating way to still for her liking up ahead and near the base of the boulder she had been sitting on. Realizing he had gotten tangled in a field of seaweed and kelp, Lily disentangled him quickly before grabbing hold of his body from around the middle and swimming up for the surface.

The full weight of James' body along with her soaked clothes dawned on her as she began dragging James slowly out of the water and onto the shore.

"James? James, can you hear me?" Lily called, shaking his shoulder momentarily before moving to loosen his Gryffindor tie just in case it was blocking his air passage. Willing herself to remember everything she had learned in first aid class, Lily reached for his pulse and lowered her head, checking for any signs of breathing coming from his nose and mouth and was mortified to find that James was not breathing.

And as if knowing what she had to do if she wanted to save James' life, Lily began pumping his chest as she had been taught in first aid class.

"Come on James, please don't be dead!" Lily said, tears now streaming down her face as she removed her mouth from his and moved to his chest again.

It wasn't working-- it wasn't working and she had been administering CPR for a god five minutes. A fleeting thought crossed Lily's mind-- what if James _wasn't _going to wake up? What if he were-- _NO._ Lily thought forcefully, willing herself to think positively. She had barely removed her lips from his when she heard a cough and sputter and when she looked down, she saw James jerk his head to the side, spitting a dribble of water out and onto the grass.

"James!" Lily cried.

"W-what happened?" James asked, his voice scratchy as he tried to sit up before he felt a soft hand pressing him back down. "Lily?"

"Shh…Don't get up," She ordered, wiping her tear stricken face, though considering she was soaked to the bone from jumping in the lake, it didn't make much of a difference. She looked up surprised to see she had acquired a small audience. "Someone go get Madam Pomphrey!-- you! Run quick, to the hospital wing-- tell her a boy's fallen into the lake!" Lily commanded of a small looking first year boy with sandy coloured hair.

The small boy recovered quickly from being addressed by the Head Girl and quickly sped off to the castle.

Feeling assured that help was on it's way, Lily bent her head to look at James once more.

"Don't worry-- you're going to be fine, James," Lily reassured. "A boy's gone to get help up at the castle."

"What happened Lily?" James asked again from his lying position.

"You slipped on my pencil while getting off the rock and fell into the lake-- there was a patch of seaweed and your foot got caught…" Lily trailed off.

James noticed for the first time that Lily's close were drenched as well, her face covered by damp red ringlets and he fingered the corner of her school shirt in his fingers as if checking to see if it was really wet as realization dawned on him.

"Y-you saved me." James said bemused.

"You sound surprised." Lily said, a hint of laughter in her voice and her eyes still brimming with tears.

"I just always figured you'd never care whether I fell off of the face of the earth or not"

"James, I tend to say a lot of things to you but the truth is, I don't mean the half of them and I certainly don't want you dead," Lily paused, taking in a ragged breath. The funny thing about near death experiences is that they always put into focus just how fast life can be taken away from you and it was because of this that Lily found herself saying what came out of her lips next. "If you'd-- if you'd died James, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know if I could-- if I could…"

A lone tear streamed down Lily's cheek and James lifted a hand to wipe it away.

"Please, don't cry," James said. "I'm alright now, thanks to you, and I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Lily nodded, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm just being silly-- overreacting, you just gave me a fright is all." she mumbled.

"In that case, I'm sorry for scaring you-- I meant what I said before though, back on the rock, it'd take a lot more than death for you to get rid of me, Lily Evans."

He caught her eye and Lily stared back, contemplating. She opened her mouth as if to speak--

"He's just over here, Madam Pomphrey!" a boy's voice called.

Lily looked up to see the small first year boy running back toward them with Madam Pomphrey hot on his heels.

"Oh! Just look at the state of you, Potter!" Madam Pomphrey clucked much like a disgruntled mother hen scolding her chicks. "how many times have I told you children not to go near the lake if you don't know how to swim properly!"

The Hogwarts nurse rounded on Peter, "Well, don't just stand there, boy-- help me out with the stretcher!"

The boy gave a nervous squeak before doing as he was told and Madam Pomphrey carefully magicked James onto it, charming the stretcher to float in front of her as they walked back up to the castle, Lily never once leaving James' side.

They reached the hospital wing in record time, Madam Pomphrey tucking a protesting James into a bed before forcing him to drink at least three different potions.

"So, Lily, there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up this weekend…" James trailed off as Madam Pomphrey left to fetch a sleeping draught.

"Are you asking me out, James?" Lily asked, a flutter of laughter laced in her words.

"Maybe…" James trailed off grinning weakly. "are you saying yes?"

"Maybe." Lily whispered, smiling back as she reached over to give his had a squeeze.

"Visiting hours are over, Miss Evans and Potter, it's a sleeping draught for you."

"Aww, Madam Pomphrey, do I have to?" James whined.

"Absolutely! Don't argue, Potter, just drink." she said, thrusting a goblet into his hand.

James downed it quickly, cringing at the taste as Madam Pomphrey led Lily to the door.

James fought the potion he had just swallowed, willing his eyelids to stay open as he watched Lily reach for the door handle. She paused, her hand on the knob, and looked back, meeting James' eyes as she smiled; a last warm smile just for him, with a touch of something else James couldn't quite put his finger was the last thing James saw before his eyelids finally drooped closed, and though he was whisked off into sleep, a smile spread across his own lips.

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**A/N:**

I just don't get it-- both times I've talked to Erich Bergen (( www. Erichbergen. Com))

The very talented and attractive Broadway star of "Jersey Boys" fame, I've been left in such an elative and happy mood it's almost sickening, but on the bright side, my writing is far from suffering as you can tell.-- for those of you who are wondering, I met him back in April after the show backstage and talked to him yesterday during his live call-in show on his new 24/7 online radio feed. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know the reason behind all this writing I've been churning out lately.

Take care and I'm working on the next instalment of TS so don't worry!


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